Now what?

I guess it's time to join a program now that the season is finally over. Remember, the first step is admitting you have a problem.

There's nothing like a good truck.

Guest editor

HA! It I Greenie and I RULE!

You stupid hunters are all alike. Giving up on killing me because you know I am so superior to you and your pitiful attempts at taking me down. Nice try this year but as you know I am faster and stronger than ever before. Don't I look happy and peaceful sitting at my vacation home in Cabo San Duckus? We are all here laughing at you and your "Big Man" waders, your bright blue chair and your stolen duck call. That's right, it was was I Greenie who took it. Ha ha ha. Good luck honing your skills at trap and skeet. I will be eating free bread from PETA members and shitting on your golf courses in no time.

I quack in your general direction.

Poetry for NEXT year.

Just as the Giants are playing golf

My hunting was a little off.

But much like the Giants have next year

Mine also holds no fear.

Many Giants players will be back

And I too will attack.

Giant opponents do beware

and all you ducks fly with care.

Big Blue is bound to thrill

And I am ready and waiting to KILL.

Day 23 & 24

Well I don't have a picture from today but this one should give you the jist of our last day of the 06 - 07 hunting season. Day 23 was nothing to talk about but day 24 was killer.Fred G definitely takes the title of 'Expert' this year. His killing powers are nothing short of amazing. I like to think that someday I too will be as good of a folder as he is.

The death count for the final day of the season was 4. The hen mallard was the first to go. Followed by 3 other unlucky punk-ass flyers. I believe that Lamont had a hand in the final count for today as he gave one of us the mindset to kill at will.

I feel bad about the end of another great year of folding and will miss it twice every week. But as C. Heston once said, "All good things must come to an end."

There's nothing like a good truck.

Day 22

Snow is a gift of nature.
Being that Portland was in a "snow lock-down" we had the place to ourselves. Even the Mayor of portland declared that if you didn't HAVE TO go outside or to work that you SHOULD NOT. All this for 4 or 5 inches of snow. Man, ain't Portland great.

Somehow we made it all the way to the old old spot on the banks of the mighty Columbia without a catastrofic car wreck or dying from exposure to the elements. With a slight overcast sky and a light breeze we thought that the killing would be non-stop. Of coure, we were wrong.

Todays pictures however, reflect a somewhat disturbing event that happened on the return trip to our trusty truck. Out of nowhere a rather foulmouthed and agressive snowman appeared. We attempted to stay out of his way and, being the passive sorts, keep our distance so as not to provoke him. Unfortunately this would not be that easy. First he started in with the 'Your Momma' jokes. You know, like "Your Momma so stupid she put a phone up her butt and thought she was making a booty call." Still we kept our cool. Then he started the personal insults like "Nice waders fat man and Ohhhhh I almost didn't see you with all that camo on." Sure we got our feelings hurt but that's okay. THEN he started in with a tirade about the HOY7 hunting team being weak and our fold count being so low.

Let me tell you good readers, we had had enough. Nobody insults the team. Nobody!

I'll let you click on the 'Snowman....DEAD' post below to see what happened to that bitch. Just a little reminder to all of you that would contemplate badmouthing the HOY7 hunting team. Not a good idea at all. You're next Greenie.

GBCH

Guest editor

HA! It is I Greenie. So you stupid hunters think you have taken me down. I quack in the face of your poor decisions and misguided shooting. You may have succeded in killing my Uncle Jean Claude but you will never get me! As you can see I am much too fast for you lame Italian guns and rusty shells. While you were freezing in the cold I am protected by my layers of down and my knowing superiority. I am Greenie and I rule!

Day 21

Day 21 was a great day. It all started with cold temps and blustery winds, the perfect set for some great folding. When we arrived at the old old spot there was ice on the banks of the mighty Columbia river and a definite chill to the air. The blocks were set, and lookin good, and we settled in for a prime day. Before the sun came up ducks were flying over our head in huge flocks and the action was nonstop. Fred G folded first. The nice Greenie you see here was the first duck for the team in a long time and it sure felt good to be back in the hunt.

I folded next. You will not see a picture of the fat Pintail I shot that day because of my jealous team member. I gave him the camera but strangely enough the picture didn't turn out. I think that poor camera skills only go so far to explain why there was no picture. The only explaination I have is that my Pintail was so fat it overloaded the cameras little brain. In any event, enjoy this picture of a dead Greenie and remember that cold icy weather never keeps this team down.

GBCH.

Here kitty, kitty, kitty.

Portland is a lot like a cat when it snows.

A cat acts like it has never seen snow before.
If you put a cat in the snow it becomes paralyzed.
Cats have no idea how to get out of the snow.

Man, the Rose City is a funny place to live.

Snowman?.....DEAD!

Day 19 & 20

Yep. That about sums it up. Sitting in the water.

Sitting in the water is no fun.
Even when you got a gun.
Sitting in the water is not great.
There's no food for my plate.
Sitting in the water makes me sad.
These two hunting days were real bad.

Poetry is my life.

The best spot ever?

One day the HOY7 hutning team was invited out to Denver CO. to hunt with the legendary Jiggitty Jeff. We traveled to many places on that trip but one stood out from the rest by a long shot. Strangely enough that spot was not in the prarie or brush lands of northern CO. and not anywhere along the front range. That spot was near the intersection of 58th and Federal close to downtown Denver.

Take a good look at this picturesque waterski lake in a gated suburb spot. For Hestons sake, there were train tracks right behind us and a McDonalds on the other side of the hill. Even with the noise ordinence we still folded more ducks that day than any other since and some fat geese too. What the hell?

Now I don't like to complain but where are all the 'Pacific Flyway' ducks at these days? Has global warming sentanced us to years of Fred G. being the expert with a total of 3 ducks? Are we destined to learn the delicate art of skyblasting in order to fold some ducks? Where are the Arctic air masses, the freezing tempatures, the snow? WHERE ARE MY DUCKS?

I feel better now. Thanks for your time.
GBCH

Day 19

Day 19 was very interesting and provided a new look for an old spot. Todays picture shows what happens when you walked out to a spot that used to be dry as a bone. Notice that Fred G is surrounded by water in this photo. It seems that the water in the river is affected by not only the massive quantities of rainfall that we get but also the influences of the tide as well. When this happens it changes everything.

Let's say that you had a hole in the ass section of your waders. With the water up that high you may have to sit IN the water and that would allow the water to penetrate in all the wrong places. Bummer. Water so high precludes the use of the roto because it is difficult to get it far enough out to work. And something as simple as droping the wikki cap may cause a minor disaster. Fortunately we here at the HOY7 hunting team are consumate experts at what we do. All disasters were diverted.

Unfortunately, all ducks were diverted too.
GBCH

If only we could predict this stuff somehow.

Tides are the periodic rise and falling of large bodies of water. Winds and currents move the surface water causing waves. The gravitational attraction of the moon causes the oceans to bulge out in the direction of the moon. Another bulge occurs on the opposite side, since the Earth is also being pulled toward the moon (and away from the water on the far side). Ocean levels fluctuate daily as the sun, moon and earth interact. As the moon travels around the earth and as they, together, travel around the sun, the combined gravitational forces cause the world's oceans to rise and fall. Since the earth is rotating while this is happening, two tides occur each day

Place your bets!

What could have caused this amazing transformation?

* Nerve Gas

* Boredom

* Chloroform

* A great lunch

* Wikki

The history of Jenny X. part XII

This installment of the history of Jenny X deals with expertise. The man you see here is Jenny X. And this is Ruger his dog. Jenny prepares food for a living and his dog likely just scratches himself and poops in the yard. Neither of them is a furnace repairman. If you were a furnace repairman it is not likely you would use a sawsall to fix your furnace. Remember, it's all about expertise.

With that being said we here at the HOY7 hunting team would like to wish Jenny good luck with the repair and enjoy the new furnace that is likely in your future.

GBCH

Day 18

What a day it was.
Day 18 started the new year with the end of a new spot. We here at the HOY7 hunting team have decided that we have likely seen the last of Twin Falls. The view sure is pretty and the walk is fantastic but the folding potential is not what it should be. From now on it's the old old spot or something like it for us.

This morning it was, what we here in the great Pacific Northwest like to call, rainy. To give you some idea of how rainy it was here's some examples. Freds hunting umbrella was breeched by the sheer volume of rain we had. My waterproof gloves were soaked. The shoreline got closer as we sat there. A duck tried to fly under the hunting umbrellas in order to stay dry with us. I believe Carl Spackler would have declared that the 'heavy stuff' was in fact coming down.

Being the dedicated hunters we are we stayed untill it was apparent that even the ducks did not want to fly in this type of downpour. We packed up the blocks, pulled up the blind and headed for home. The rain immediately cleared. Don't fear for us though, for tomorrow we kill.

GBCH

Huh?

I think I have been spending too much time at this place. I know the holiday is the time for people to be buying lots of stuff I sell but come on, don't you think this would be better if it was a picture of me holding a duck by its dead neck? I think so too. As a remedy for this sad situation there are two possible solutions.

1. Every reader sends me $1000 so I can quit my job and hunt full time. Considering the multitude of readers I could expect to haul in millions. Lots of folding = lots of new posts.

2. 100 million dollar powerball jackpot. I got my ticket, how can this be taking so long?

Well that's it. Which would you rather see, more pictures of this place or more pictures of the great outdoors? The HOY7 hunting team is just like a charity. Tax deductable and ready to help. Send your money today.

Happy New Year

Day 17

Well, see, I wasn't there.
I also don't have a photo to go with todays entry. One was sent to me but likely only to let me know how great it was without me there. I deleted the photo due to my pain at not being able to attend what surely was one of the best days ever (but I inserted one to show how I must look to them). Along with the photo I received a message which I will now share with you even through my sorrow of repeating it.

"Bob, AWESOME day without you today. The ducks were flying almost as fast as the steel death from above. We never see that many ducks when you are there. Cliffy and I each got our limit and then we shot your limit too. We laughed at the sheer ease of folding today, it's like they wanted to die. Some of the ducks tried to land right IN our blind. Man, did you miss it.

"We had a lunch of hot paninni sammys and some fresh creme brûlée for desert topped with Gran Mariner. Boy, you would have ruinied it for sure. The way Cliffy tells stories is only outshined by his folding skills. Even the walk in seemed easy. We got a ride out from the warden who turned us on to some secret hunting spots close by. Sadly he said that only great hunters like us can go there, you'll never see them, sorry.

"Anyway, we decided that you can't come out with us anymore. The sheer weight of you bringing us down is more than we can bear. Maybe you can go hunting at Sauvies and make some new friends. If you learn how to 'skyblast' perhaps even you can get some ducks, likely not though. Well good luck old friend."

"Oh yea, by the way we shot only fat banded greenies. You suck looser."

Guest editor.

HA! It is I Greenie.

Merry Christmas bitches. I have taken a picture of myself, since YOU will never catch me, and put it on an ornament for your stupid Charlie Brown like tree. This way you will be reminded of of my superior abilities of avoiding your poor shooting while you look at my beautiful face. Enjoy your eggnog and Christmas goose while I get bigger and fatter than ever before. I am Greenie and I rule!

By the way what you did to my cousin Jean-Pierre was not cool, not cool at all.

The trust issue.

Would you trust these two smart looking men with your safety? Apparently neither N. Flemke or J. Jeff do. Don't be afraid to spend some time with the HOY7 hunting team. You have nothing to lose but brain cells and self respect. Let the highly trained and board certified instructors of the HOY7 hunting team show you how to fold.

Remember, we are the Best!
GBCH

Day 16

It's really all about dedication.

Day sixteen was the kind of morning that makes the heart beat a little faster. Nice and cold the night before, clear skies in the morning and frozen ground under our feet on the walk out. Our other regular monday morning team members Rick & Clyde had other plans this time so it was just the two of us on this promising day. We loaded up and started the walk out to the old old spot on the banks of the mighty Columbia river. Even the fact that other hunters had badly modified our blind and left their trash behind was not enough to dampen our good feelings about the perfect weather and beautiful view.

The ducks were flying today and amid the many passes and exciting landings a big fat greenie was folded. Todays picture shows Fred G way way out there in the water searching for his green headed prize.(click on the photo to see how far out) Sometimes though, the prize will not be won. Sadly the greenie we call Re-run will feed the foxes rather than the humans. Now I titled this post with "It's really all about dedication" for a reason. Some people might just shrug off the responsibility of getting their duck if it meant water over the waders or a long slog through the brush. Some people might only try once to get their duck and not go back through all the hassle to look again. Not here on the HOY7 hunting team. Are we the best hunters ever? Yes we are. But we are also the most dedicated hunters as well. Nothing stops us from our Heston given right to fold. (Except but not limited to: work, sleep, lack of wikki, occasional stomach upset, hangovers, bad planning, high water, asthma, mud, bad planning, schedule conflicts, being the last in line, the North unit, summertime, and of course, bad planning.)

Some people may say that coming home with no ducks was a waste of a perfectly good day. But not here at the HOY7 hunting team. See, it's about dedication. Did you see the sun rise over snow capped mountains this morning? Did you watch 8 mallards turn and fly perfectly into your blocks? Did you see hawks, herons, brandts, pintails, divers and the militarys secret new stealth jet boat today? I didn't think so. So remember, We Are The Best!
GBCH.

In Search Of

Thanks for the props Bob, yea the greenie was huge and for sure it was banded, but for Heston sake I gave it the H7HT try, if only Clyde were there he would of had his first taste of success. It was a fine day for sure, most memorable.

Here is an impressionistic painting I did of Bob on that fine hunting day. Oil on canvass.

Guest editor.

HA! It is I Greenie and I'm back!

Listen to me looser bitches, I have come back to taunt you and show you the ways in which you are stupid. First you try to kill me with your puny Italian guns and your lame 3 1/2" shells but you only took down my younger brother Jacque. He was not the strongest of my fine family and although we will miss him he did not die in vain. I hope when you ate him he gave you excruciating gas and pain and discomfort due to occasional stomach upset.

Now you use your "hunting umbrellas" that I can see from a mile away. Great idea. What's next, heated chairs and a TV? I will never let you get me stupid hunters. I am Greenie and I quack in your general direction.

P.S. nice dog you have there, has he ever even smelled a duck ?

Expertise

Ever get the feeling sometimes when you wake in the morning that nothing could or can go wrong? Day 15. Well being off the liquid codeine a.k.a PROMETH/COD my mind was as clear as a Tuesday on a warm summer day here in Portland in August. Time for me to make a decision, so the night before at 11 pm we decided to go to Twin Falls, an easy walk and an easy half day hunt, whikey? only a 1/4 bottle needed. When I awoke there was no rain and no wind, Old Old Spot! Twin Falls never produced anything positive. I'm not afraid of a 30 minute hike, for god sake it's part of my diet. Bob picks me up at a decent time of 6am and the first words out of my mouth are "Bob Old Old Spot Now!!!" We arrive at the Old Old spot...no rain, great song by Blind Melon, and warm, an easy walk or hike which ever. After a beautiful morning of some good flight, blocks & and blind looked awesome, and a single pass shot, nothing. But it was way better than Twin Falls, plus I learned no matter what the day holds for you always bring a big boy bottle of whikey cause you never know when it may go off. That was day 15. We await news from Colorado anticipating a local Denver Bean joining us on some local slaying. There lays some good wholesome stories.

note: picture may not coincide with story

Art By Fred G

Clyde 2006

oil on canvas

An Advertisement

Before & After

After a very strict diet of only Jamesons Whiskey, Beef Jerky and Hiking in the woods Fred G lost an amazing 10 sizes, you can too by just following that very easy diet of Jameson Whiskey, Beef Jerky and Hiking in the woods, here is Fred G to tell you all how he did it! "Fred G here, it's true I drank Jameson Whiskey, ate Beef Jerky and Hiked in the woods. I went from "Big Guy" size to 2 XL in only 14 weeks." Wow!! you look great Fred G! Write in with your results.



Caution: May cause high blood pressure, heart attack, dry mouth, severe headache, drowsiness, tooth decay, back ache, severe de-hydration, constipation, bad breath , but you may also have small bouts of constant genius.

The hunting umbrella. Poetry of respect.

Oh hunting umbrella how I mocked you in the begining
Your silly features and big profile so out of place
Your dryness and coverage are features so winning
I had no choice but to realize your grace

Then today out of nowhere another great advance

The inventer himself suddenly makes clear

Sticking the handle right into his pants

Hands free I tell you, he can drink with no fear

Oh hunting umbrella one can only guess

The next step in your evolutionary development

Your abilitys in keeping us out of the mess

Keep me on the edge of mental envelopment

Day 14

Welcome to the New Guy.

Today the HOY7 hunting Team got a new member in the form of a chocolate retrieving machine. This is Clyde. After some careful thought Rick decided that we would not shoot his dog by accident and brought Clyde along for the ride that is the HOY7 hunting team expierence. He seemed to make the walk out to the old old spot without any complaints and made himself right at home in the rainy but mild confines of the blind. After some time familiarizing himself with the procedures he settled into a routine of wondering why we brought him in the first place. As Clyde looked to the skies for all the downed ducks he had heard so much about I can't help but wonder if he thinks we are the best. You see, we KNOW we are the best but sometimes the workings of the dog brain are beyond even our stellar abilities to figure.

Clyde did get to take a walk around with each team member where he showed his ability to be a 'Good Dog'. I think we all agree that Clyde is welcome on any H7HT excursion, ducks or not. At the end of the day he even helped pull in the blocks without a single complaint. In fact he seemed to enjoy the whole day even though the reward of a live duck retrieve was not in the cards. Don't worry Clyde, next time we will fold faster than Superman on laundry day.

(Note to all you PETA members that read this blog on a regular basis. This photo does not represent Clydes diet for the day. Not only is it immoral to give your dog some tasty, delicious, ohhh so good, nectar-like, wonderful wikki it is also not good for the retrieving skills. Don't think he didn't want to, he is a member of the HOY7 hunting team, but his attempt at stealing Freds was foiled. Dogs can't operate screw caps. Sorry boy.)

The history of Jenny X. part XI

It's been a long time since you have heard an update on the history of Jenny X. Today is a banner day at the ole HOY7 hunting team blog because we now have some photographic proof that Jenny is on the move again. All I have for information is that his new dog has the name of Ruger, so I'll make up the rest.

"Today Paula and I went to pick up our new puppy Ruger. We paid $7,777 for the right to put a purebred golden retriever puppy in our New Hampshire estate in the charming hamlet of Jennyville. (Named for me because of my total dominance of all things killin'.) Not only does our new retriever have the papers to prove he is a duck retrieving machine but he is also capable of pooping on those papers and looking great at the same time. When we first took him home he immediately brought me my slippers and a copy of the New York Times while I smoked my pipe and sat in my Heffner-like bathrobe. Good dog! We love him more than the Brother and Bubba Kuehl combined.

Next week his training begins. Paula shoots 3 1/2" shells over my head and I throw fresh greenies into the neighbors yard where young Ruger is expected to go and get them. I have confidence that he will properly retrieve the greenie and not their cat. Soon enough he will be in the Cabellas catalouge (take that Harley) and chillin' with the local bitches.

Yep, it's going to be easy being Ruger, if only he could be as cool as his Puppy Daddy."

Well there you have it, another reason why it is soooooooo good to be Jenny X.
GBCH

P.S. check out Jennys hat. If you pay attention to the history of Jenny X you will notice that Jenny has the same dumb-ass hat in every wintertime blog post you see. Good thing he saves his riches for the important things in life, like a nice two footer.

Welcome New Readers

Day 13

Day thirteen. It all started with good intentions.
I picked up Fred at the usual time of 4:44 but something was wrong. The time pased and I realized that I was the only one still in the truck at 4:54. Fred had decided to sleep upstairs as to not wake up his significant other with his early morning alarm (and sleep apnia) but seemed to miss out on the actual waking up part of the plan. Instead it was I who woke her up with my banging at the door, sorry Kathy.

Finally we were off to meet Rick at the parking lot and head off to 'Poker chip' on Sauvies for some good ole fashion folding action. Just about to the onramp Fred congratulated himself for not forgetting his gun but we soon realized that he had, in fact, forgotten Ricks gun in the ealy morning haze he was still in. After a slight detour (in which I hit almost all the green lights) we finally met Rick and were off to the 'wait in line' area of Sauvies due to the fact that it starts 30 minutes later than 'Poker chip'. We scored Mudhen unit #7

After our arrival at Mudhen 7 we were greeted by almost a whole puddle in which to set up our blocks and get ready for fly time. That's when IT HAPPENED. The photo shows the culmination of bad luck to rain on Fred G that day. First the jacket fell in the mud. Then the capper, the ole' wikki in the mud trick. So far it's not looking good and the sun still hasn't come up yet.

That seemed to set the tone for the day as we waited patiently for the ducks to come swarming in to our massive 30 square foot death zone. Sure we took a couple shots but nothing wanted to die that day. Not even an out of season pintail was willing to take one for the team. The sandwiches were good and the peanut butter cups were nice but that was the extent of our luck. By the end Rick got a nice nap and we were home in time to catch Oprahs show on men who hunt and the ducks that hate them.

Don't fear, day 14 is going to be great.
GBCH

We have a reader!

Look at that little bundle of happiness in the center of this old photo. Today that is the woman who goes by the name of "Mom". That's right, my very own mother is now a reader of the HOY7 hunting team blog. It's good to know that even old people can figure out what the real purpose of the 'interweb' is. Of course I may have to curtail the use of profanity and risqué subject matter in my normal postings in order to keep my good standing in the 'Perfect son club' going strong. That's going to be difficult and really suck ass..... Oh shit! I used a..... Crap I.... Oh well.

Anyway, welcome to the blog Mom. First the microwave and now the computer. What's next, DVDs?

The old old spot.

The old old spot. Greenies and money.

Sauvies Island is a joke. I thought since it has been a while between visits that the action at Sauvies would be going full bore. Boy was I wrong. I should always listen to 'The Expert" when it comes to things hunting. First I thought that hunting with an umbrella was lame: WRONG. Then I thought that the old old spot was lame: WRONG. then I thought that Sauvies would be great: WRONG AGAIN. I can only wonder what I may learn next week from this master of hunting, this Sensi, this oracle of wisdom that never seems to tire of being the smartest hunter ever.

Anyway, the picture tells the story here. last week a big greenie and the elusive $5 prize. This week nothing and no prize.

What Is Not Used To Hunt Ducks?

A. B.
C. D.

Murder is the case that they gave me.

After some indecisiveness we decided on the old old spot for a change this past week. As we walked out it became apparent that someone had done a little grooming to the pricker bushes and ground cover. The walk out was almost an enjoyable one. We arrived on schedule for a leisurely set up and made the best of our old blind. Keep in mind that we had abandoned the old old spot for some time due to the fact that we never see ducks there and the last time we visited the water was over our heads. What a difference a year makes.

Action was off the hook (for the old old spot) and our shooting skills were infallable (when the safety was off) and we folded three dangerous birds. I shot the greenie and the pintail and Fred made a bloddy mess out of that guy on the left. I guess we taught those punks not to mess with us again. After a nice long nap and a delicious tuna sandwhich it was back to the hizzo and a tasty duck dinner.

We learned something today.
Our first spot is still the best spot.

When?

Getting mouthy?

The word on the street is that Jiggitty Jeff may be making a visit to do some killin' with his old team members. I can only hope that we are up to the challenge.
GBCH