Heston, is that you?

So there I am the other night trying to deal with my 'fever' problem. I decided to take a quick look at the petfinder website and see what they may have available in the way of Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retrievers when something catches my eye. Seems right here at the local kennel they have a young Flat Coated Retriever with the unfortunate name of Beauty. Good looking dog, nice temperament, right size and 1/2 mile away. So I decided to give a call and see if we could meet the dog and take her for a test drive.

Straight off this dog has some major hurdles to overcome. Not a Toller, not a puppy, trained by someone else and possessed of a stupid name. So we get to the shelter and the first thing the dog does is jump up on me, great. I try to take this as a sign that the dog likes me and not think about how long it takes to un-train a dog of bad habits. Off we go for a walk and things are going well. She pulls on the leash hard and she likes running the brush and seems to be searching for scent. Then we take her back to my place and introduce her to the neighbor dog Morgan, a 2 year old mastiff, and they get along swimmingly. Playing hard and drinking from the same bowl together, good stuff. Next it's up into the truck where she seems to understand 'in the back' and is very excited to be going on a trip, alright then. A short drive to the gun range and while we are walking around someone takes some big rifle shots that don't seem to phase her a bit, sweet. Down to the creek and right into the water she goes, things are looking good.

After that we drive back to my house and go into the neighbors fenced back yard. All this time I have had the dog on the leash and I completely understand that neither she or I know her name. Time for the most important test. I throw a ball, she chases, picks it up.... drops it. Dog does not seem to care about the ball. After several tries I realize that this retriever is not a retriever. What the hell? Also the whole time we are trying this she seems to be looking for a way to get out of the yard and pays no attention to me trying to engage her. I get the feeling if I ever let her off leash she would bolt and never return. I sit quietly and the dog never even looks at me, the whole time seeming to be searching for something else, what I don't know. Sorry, not my dog.

So there is the sad story of Beauty the Flat Coated Retriever who does not retrieve. If anyone is looking for a running partner I know a great dog.