Open Letter From Cali Boys

Fred G,

I've waited as long as I could to write this, hoping I had some good news for you, but basically we're like the opening scene in the Hangover when Bradley Cooper's character has to call the bride-to-be and admit they lost white Doug.  Right now Kevin is lunging over the internet in slow motion yelling, "nooooooooo" trying to stop me from coming clean with my confession, but this is like therapy so here goes...

The truth of the matter is this hunting season has been down right awful for us so far.  Now, you may not think we're in such a bad spot seeing how you only have 1 duck to your name on your blog kill count (last I checked), but let me tell you, Kevin and I only have 1 duck combined and it came from a hen we swatted.  That's right, a swatted friggin hen...who does that?  Well, your talking to a couple hard up desperate duck junkies... 

Yet, if you think that's hitting rock bottom, you'd be wrong, because it gets worse...we both fired at the hen and are arguing to this day who actually hit it!  

And if you think that's rock bottom, we hunt next to a guy we nicknamed "Sure Shot" because we heard from the farmer that he was a great caller and a great shot.  Anyway, Sure Shot came in with a "limmie-limmie-limit" and asked how we did and we told them we "got a few."  We talked to him for a few minutes before we realized that our one piddly ass hen was sitting out in the open, laughing at us and exposing our fraud.  Sure Shot was not impressed.  

Sound like rock bottom?  Well, the following weekend we were talking to some guys nearby and they asked us how many ducks we shot last year in our blind since they were new to the area.  Kevin lied to their face and told them we shot 50 ducks, same lie he's been telling to the guys at the lumber yard.  The thing is, he probably shot 5 ducks last year total and I shot none...the lowest amount in the entire county, but it's not entirely our fault, it was due to the fact that we hunted out of a skunk blind.  Skunk blind you ask?  Yes, the blind literally had a dead skunk in it when we leased it from the farmer.  Yes, the farmer knew it was there, no, he didn't offer to have the skunk removed before the season started..."boys, the blind rents as is, take it or leave it."  

So we hunted from the Skunk Blind all year and I was skunked every time I stepped foot in that blind in more ways than one.  Needless to say we changed blinds this year, but here we are a month into the season and we got nothing to show for it other than having our DU memberships suspended based on our ethics.  We're at the point where we're borderline desperate.  If I don't bring home a duck soon, my wife is going to start thinking "duck hunting" is code for "stay up late and drink with my college buddy every Friday night."  I told my wife I'd shoot 100 ducks last year and that we needed to invest in a meat grinder for all the duck sausage I was going to be making.  This year I told her conservatively I'd shoot 60.  60 ducks?  How am I going to shoot 60 ducks?  I just missed a duck at 10 yards last weekend that was coming in hot with its landing gear down...if I miss a 10 yard duck, how am I going to ever make me some duck sausage?

Of course it's not like the weather has been cooperating.  It's been clear and sunny since the Opener and when we did get some weather we didn't even hunt those days.  A wise man once told us to "hunt the weather," but we haven't been listening.

So here we are, geared up out of our minds...I got more duck calls than a man should be allowed to legally have, we got  our trailer outfitted with solar power and propane tanks, we got Gibson's lids for our blinds, a jerk string, we got fast grass, probably 300+ decoys of all species, all types of camo jackets and hats, wadders (both hip and full body), goose shells and goose flags and lay out blinds, all types of lanyards and haulers...my closet is like a Macks Prairie Wing outlet...and not a darn thing to show from it.  Kevin wanted to run my hauling strap over with the Ranger just to make sure it looked used in case anyone ever saw it...

Then again, duck season doesn't officially kick off until after Thanksgiving so here's to hoping that our season gets better soon.  If it gets any worse I may need a new hobby.

In search of the X,

Gaucho Wino  

PS. Now if you asked me about deer season I could have told you all about the buck I smoked with my bow out of a tree stand on the last day of the season, but that's a story for another time...